Prologue

From the moment you walk up to the shore, small and subtle differences separate every surfer. Beyond the fact that we all enjoy the ocean; by time your feet have hit the sand you’ve been categorized.

Now all you have to do is find out what classification your in. There could be a hundred subcategories, but I digress, let’s just imagine for the sake of an unending argument, that there are four kinds of wave riders.

The Aggro, The Joe Average, The Surfer, and The Soul Surfer.

Which one are you? Just for fun I offer you this small test; a challenge for you to see the different layers of surfers.

Simply add the number of points from each answer and go below to see which category you fit.

Question # 1

Your standing at the beach, it is two foot mush and your ex-sweetheart happens to walk up the boardwalk, what do you do?

1 point) Tough call but I would chat it up a bit, look for a good opportunity to ask her to watch you rip it up and then hit it.

2 points) Stop what you’re doing and catch up on old times as you wait for the tide change.

3 points) Say with a smile, “Hello, nice to see you.” Then check your watch and continue to the ocean for a go.

4 points) I would never even stop on the boardwalk. Straight into the water.

Question # 2

You are inside a surf shop for a new stick, a clerk approaches and says, "Can I help you? What kind of board are you looking for?"

You say…

1 point) No thanks; I’ve surfed long enough and know enough shapers. I can pick my own board out.

2 points) Yeah, I need something to help me get more speed or maybe a fun shape.

3 points) No thanks; I’m just going to look around for a bit, maybe if I find something.

4 points) Yeah, I haven’t bought a new board for something like 20 years.

Question # 3

You have friends that are planning a trip of 3 hours by car, there’s no epic swell predicted. What statement fits you best?

1 point) Let me see if my photographer friend wants to go?

2 points) Let me check what’s going on and I’ll pay for gas.

3 points) Let me take a look at the forecast but probably not.

4 points) Yes, if there is room in the car for a longboard?

Question # 4

You have friends that are planning a month long fantasy trip somewhere off the beaten path during peak swell time according to the Surfers Journal. What answer fits best?

1 point) I can’t be gone for a month, but I’ve surfed a place like that.

2 points) It sounds good, but I don’t have that much vacation time saved up.

3 points) It may take some doing, but I could stay for a couple of weeks.

4 points) I all ready have my tickets.

Question # 5

You make a dawn patrol session and you see cars parked all over the lot. As you walk up board in hand they have just unrolled the Surfrider Foundation "Trash pick up day" banner. What would you do?

1 point) Set the board in front of your eyes and rush to the surf.

2 points) Set the board back in the vehicle and do an hour just so you can get the free stickers.

3 points) Set your board down and at least help with the parking lot.

4 points) Set the board tail first in the sand and work the beach over then sign up for the next one.

Question # 6

A friend comes over and asks if he can borrow a board after his broke in two.

1 point) Sorry Brah, but you can be the designated photographer.

2 points) Yeah here is my other board; it’s a sponge board but better than nothing.

3 points) Yeah, if I had another board you could ride.

4 points) Yeah what type of board do you want to ride, grab one?

Question # 7

During an extended flat spell, someone at the beach says they know a way to bring on a swell. Choose the tribal ritual that fits best.

1 point) Get drunk and suffer a hangover and believe what you read in Surfer Mag and that you are the sacrifice.

2 points) Make a post on a surfing forum complaining about the lack of waves.

3 points) Go to a travel agent and make an impromptu flight to a place that has waves.

4 points) Take one old surfboard, a flammable liquid,and light that board up at sunset.

Question # 8

Other than a surfboard, what’s the most important item to take to the beach?

1 point) Surf logo stickers to graffiti with.

2 points) A towel to dry off with.

3 points) An extra leash.

4 points) The only thing you bring to the beach is Wax.

Question # 9

Out in the water someone yells “SHARK”; what’s the best course of action?

1 point) First thing you do is look who’s saying it and call them a kook.

2 points) Lie down and put your arms and legs in the air.

3 points) Catch the first wave in.

4 points) You stay out as you know karma is on your side.

Question # 10

The waves are decent from a ground swell that just arrived. A bigger crowd starts growing after you’ve been out for only twenty minutes.

What's your course of action:

1 point) Stay at the main peak and give everyone the stink-eye who nears.

2 points) Drift out of the main peak and yield to the better surfers.

3 points) Stay at the main peak and hoot and shaka to the other surfers.

4 points) Paddle away from the crowd and score uncrowded surf at the next peak.

Bonus question:

Who are the best group of surfers in the world?

1 point) The ones with sponsor stickers on their boards.

2 points) Pro surfers.

3 points) The older surfers at the local spots.

4 points) The ones having the most fun!

Scoring:

11 to 21 points- The Aggro

As defined, don’t get offended; you just prefer the training and athletics in surfing. You probably enjoy some of the distractions around the beach and buy name brand surfing goods. Most people would notice your surfing, some of that is good and some of it might be considered bad. You consider yourself a local wherever you surf and people have called you a One Man Crowd before.

22 to 31 points- Joe average

This is the largest grouping. In it contains the majority and you’ll have to live with the fact that, in your immediate chain are the kooks to the best local at any break. You have or had a chance to go full on aggro, but whether that was from a lack of talent or you didn’t have the heart to snake waves at will this is home. You can still change the road you’re on. Which way do you want to go up or down?

32 to 38 points- Surfers

This is the second largest group. Congratulations are in order. Though you must love surfing, you do have some constraints that hold you back. The range of variables from family to job or just living life hasn’t passed you by. The older years will be filled with surf stories, but you weren’t cut out for the ASP tour and that ship has sailed long ago. You pass good vibes on and reap the benefits at times.

39 to 44 points- The Soul Surfer

If you scored up here, the chances are you think this test was stupid. You would be right. What matters is we should all be a little more like you. You have a job that is surfing related, or you’ll do anything to get wet. In the end game it’s about how you lived, at least you got the surfing right.